Social Media and Children

Social Media and your Children

Christmas is a mere couple days away, and children all over the world will be opening new phones, Ipads, computers, etc.  They will be logging on to Facebook, Instgram, Twitter, Snapchat, and whatever other social media I am too old to know about.

As a parent, I believe it is important to be vigilant and monitor your children's social media.    Not that there is any way to have access to everything, but you have to at least try.   My kids are required to add me as a "friend" on all social media as well as give me the pass codes to their phones.   I know what you are thinking... that I don't trust my kids.   I do trust my kids, but they are still young and learning.   And they have friends who are trying to influence them from the outside.   My two teenage daughters have a fair amount of common sense, and they often censor themselves.  

I have seen some very interesting stuff posted by middle and high school students.   A middle school girl who tweets "Fuck fake bitches" and other profane statements.  I am pretty sure her mother has no idea.    Or the high school freshmen who posts pictures of herself smoking pot or posing in lingerie.  These accounts aren't private.   They are public.    

So why don't I contact the parents and let them know.   A couple of reasons.   1.  I don't always know the parents.  2.  I have done that before, and the parents make me out to be the bad guy.  So enough of that. 

The students at the school I work at say that I am doing too much.    They think my kids need their privacy.   I agree that teenagers need privacy to grow and learn to make great decisions.   But social media is SOCIAL... and if accounts aren't private... there is no privacy there.   If you need privacy, text or talk in private.    Just remember that texts can be screenshot and sent to someone else.   Is there privacy in that?   And if your accounts are not private and I can see them, future employers and colleges can also see your accounts.   

The images that you post on social media help people form a judgment on who you are as a person.   Is what you are portraying there really the person you want people to think that you are. 

I may be seen as a strict or mean mom.    But guess what?  I don't care.    Raising my kids to be upstanding citizens who make good decisions is my priority.   

Do yourself a favor.... check in on your kids every once in a while.   You don't have to know EVERYTHING they are doing, but knowing that you are checking on them might just make them think twice about posting inappropriate and stupid stuff.

 

Election

I am not a political person.  But given the shit show this election was, I did follow it closely.   To me there were no good options for President.   Typically a Republican, I could not back a candidate who stood for so much hatred against so many different groups.   I am not a hateful person.   I think everyone should be treated equally and fairly despite their race, gender, preferences or religion.    Neither could I back a woman who seemed to lack integrity.    This was not a candidate that I wanted to go down as our very first female president.   

First of all, I believe Trump ran as a joke... at first.    I don't think he ever thought he was going to win.   He said so many outrageous and inappropriate things that I believe he was working against himself.   I think as late as last night, he still thought he was going to lose.   Now he is in a job that he never thought he qualified for.   My hope is that his intelligence will win out over his bigotry.   I can only hope that he gets it together to be a president that is not a total embarrassment to our country.  Let's hope that the system of checks and balances that our country was founded on is strong enough to sustain us through the next four years.  I know that Congress is majority Republican.   But not all Republicans support Trump.   Not all Republicans back him.   So let's remain optimistic that common sense wins out. 

So I have been told that third party votes are wasted votes.    If more people are willing to vote for  third party candidates then we might not  be stuck in a two party system with two candidates that no one seems to be rooting for.    Illinois is a blue state, and our electoral college votes were going for Hillary regardless of my vote.  So I voted third party for ME.... and I left the polling place feeling relieved that I did not vote for either of the two party candidates. Total cop out and irrational way to go, but I just couldn't wrap my head around the other choices.   If I had lived in a swing state,  I would have more carefully weighed my choices and determined the best logical choice.   But living in the great state of Illinois afforded me the opportunity to be a coward.

Going forward, we need to band together despite different ideologies and work to make sure our country is not sidetracked by hate speech to one another.  We need to educate each other.... not tear one another down.   We have four years to produce candidates that we are proud to vote for.   If we can work to build people up, maybe more quality people would be willing to throw their hats into the ring for a chance to be leader of the free world.   There is so much hate directed toward anyone running for President that it is a wonder that anyone would subject themselves to that self-torture.  

Our teenagers seem the most disgruntled by the outcome.   Many of them did not get the opportunity to vote.   They were at the mercy of those who did.   But most of them will have the opportunity to vote in the next election.   For those who are truly affected, now is the time to act.   Get involved in local politics.   Don't just complain because if you are not a part of the solution then you are part of the problem.   Educate yourself.  

I ask you to remember that part of what makes our country great is that we get choices... we can choose who we vote for.  But at the end of the day we need to come together as one.   Let's not berate others for their choices.  Let's embrace it as part of the principles on which our country was founded.

Boys of Summer

Finally a post dedicated to the J-man.    The lives of my son and husband this summer were consumed by America's past time.... baseball.   This was J's second year playing on a travel team.   The organization he is connected with has excellent training.   Despite this, J's team had a losing record.  Not just losing.... abysmal loss record.

I just can't put my finger on why they didn't do better.   The boys themselves were pretty talented.   When they were "on" they played really well.   But it seems that they were more off than on.   One of the things that I contributed to this was that there were only a couple of guys from the team last year that chose to return.   So it was like starting over with a new team.   Boys need time to learn to trust each other and learn how they play "together."  

I definitely think J grew as a player this year.   He is a solid athlete with some growing to do.  Not necessarily physical growing but mental and emotional.  He was the youngest kid on his team but by far not the smallest.   His biggest struggle is his speed (sorry J I think I gave that to you.)  I keep thinking if he grows into his feet it will be less like he's running in flippers.

Do I feel bad that J was on this losing team this year... am I angry or upset about it?   You all know that I like to win as much as the next person so you are going to be surprised to hear me say.. absolutely not!   Despite their losing record, these boys were the nicest most supportive team I have witnessed.   They never got down on one another.   They encouraged each other to try harder next time.   They displayed a maturity that I have not often seen in 11-12 year old boys. The coaches too were a great group of guys.  

As do most 12-U teams, they travelled to Cooperstown, the mecca for 12 year old baseball.  They didn't fare any better there than they normally do.   This is full on...full force baseball.   The players and coaches live in bunk houses and take meals in a mess tent.  This is team togetherness 24/7 for a week.  I did not attend, but my husband is one of the coaches for the team.   He says that he has never seen a group of kids that large get along so well for that long a period of time.

My son is not likely to play in MLB (but don't tell him that just yet) but the things he learned from his team are invaluable... teamwork,  a positive environment and dealing with diversity.  This will take him a lot further in life than just winning.  Now if we could combine that with a winning record... I would not complain.

No rest for the wicked.... J went straight from arriving home from Cooperstown to tryouts for the 2017 season.    Now that this is over.... he will have a rest until basketball starts... soon!

Social media and the suburban pissing contest

We are all guilty of it.... the suburban pissing contest.

No matter what your kids do, we all seem to try to do more and be more to try and get ahead.   It could be school, activities, or physical growth.  We all seem to be in this race to have our kids be the smartest, most talented, and biggest.   And social media is there to help us exacerbate this.  

I'm guilty of it.   I love to go to social media when my kids do something to impress me to let the world know how AWESOME they are.   I am also the first one to talk about some of the things that they do that aren't so awesome.   No matter how much we want our kids to be the biggest and baddest, growing up is all about making mistakes and learning from them.   These need to be celebrated also.   Some times I refer to them as the "you're so pretty" moments.  It is those moments when they do something ridiculous that at least they can count on their cuteness to keep them out of trouble.  

My kids are not perfect.   They are perfectly imperfect.   They try hard when they want to and slack off when they want to.   They could be better students, dancers, riders, ball players, etc.   But they are still only just kids.   If they don't learn things by trial and error, then how will they learn.    By allowing them to make these mistakes and by celebrating those mistakes, I am preparing them for adulthood.   Because even in adulthood, we are not perfect.   My kids handle failure pretty well.  They learn from it and move on.   They are not prone to melt downs.   They take their experiences and use that to work harder next time. 

My job as a mom is to guide them and help them recover from those mistakes.  My job is not to make sure that everything is perfect.   My kids are all involved in activities that can be expensive.   I have never given them the best of everything.   My eldest, in particular, is an equestrian.   I am not in a position to throw around a lot of money to give her the best of everything.   She works hard to work some of those things off to get what she needs.  Would she like to do more, be more?  I am sure.   But my budget only allows for so much.  She has earned herself a reputation for being a good rider and hard worker.  It has not all been rosy.  Sometimes she puts in a miraculous ride; sometimes it is a train wreck.  But she has worked through the tough times.  And when she heads to college next year I am sure that she will be prepared for whatever comes at her.

My other daughter is a dancer.   She has some natural talent that could make her fantastic dancer.  But she lacks the passion for it.   So she does what she can with the amount of effort she wants to put into it and has learned that you get out of it what you put into it.  She is far more focused on her studies which don't come as natural to her.   Don't get me wrong, she's smart but, she also works hard. 

My son is an athlete.   Not the best athlete you have ever seen, but he's ok.   He has been on a baseball team that has not fared very well this year.   In truth, their record SUCKS..... But he is an excellent team mate.   He's positive and supportive despite the losing records.   As a matter of fact all of his team are this way.   Because so few of them go on to be professional athletes, they are learning a far more valuable lesson here.  They are learning how to be great team players.   Occasionally, he will get down on himself, but then we talk about how to go out and make it better. 

So if you are in the great suburban pissing contest, ask yourself.... Does your kid need to appear better than everyone or do you just want your kid to be the best they can be?   How do we learn if not from our mistakes?   Don't be afraid to brag about the awesome and not so awesome things your kids do and say.  It happens to all of us...... 2 steps forward... 3 steps back... We all have ups and downs in life.   It's not human not to.   By owning up to the mistakes, we are owning up to our humanity and sharing a little bit of that with our social media "friends"

Recital Season

Dance recital season is here!!!!!  This is the first year in about 10 that I have attended a recital somewhere other than at my old studio..  I didn't know what you expect because every studio handles their recitals differently.   I was more involved in the old studio, but this time I was attending Integrity's recital just as a parent.  

Recitals are to celebrate the hard work that students put in all year and to watch your kid, no matter what level, dance on the stage.   We are proud parents no matter if our child is 3 and spends the whole time starting at the audience or if they are 17 and this is going to be their final recital.   As a parent of a competitive dancer, I get to see my kid on stage more than the average parent.  Most parents only get to see their students take the stage once or twice a year.

Recital is a HUGE production.... there are students to coordinate, lighting to work out, dvds, flowers, etc etc etc.... A ton of work goes into a recital.  

I was very impressed with Integrity's  recital.   First of all they run their rehearsal the night before the first show.   The teachers were all very professional about staging and lighting.   The lighting they choose showcased the pieces well.   Sometimes I wish that it would be just the bright lights, but sometimes the lighting really highlights the piece and makes a big difference in the performance. My kid was allowed to keep her costumes there for the show the next two days.  I didn't have to lug them back and forth.   Loved that!

I knew that I had moved my dancer to a studio with a strong ballet presence... what I didn't know was how strong.  I counted no fewer than 13 ballet numbers in the recital.   I know.. some of you are thinking...... SNOOZE FEST.   But it wasn't really.  The choreography and music choices were so varied that it kept the numbers entertaining.    Ballet is the backbone of all dance, and to see all these girls and boys improving their technique through ballet was awesome.  G has been doing pointe since the age of 10, and this was the first time she got to perform it in a recital.     You can tell that Kelly Hill, Margaret Palmer and all the ballet teachers at Integrity are invested in watching their students grow and love ballet.   Sometimes getting them to like ballet is a challenge.   But all the ballet pieces were wonderful!

Besides ballet...there was a lot of varied pieces.... tap, hip hop, adults, more than a handful of boys.. which are often hard to come by in the dance world.   The classes were large enough to keep the numbers entertaining and not so large that they were overwhelming.  The dancers were varied as well.  I did not feel as though I was seeing the same dancers over and over which is often the case at a competitive studio.   Because they run two shows,  their competitive team and performance team ran half of their numbers one night and the other half the next night.  

The show was long... three hours.  It ran really smoothly and there was no extra fluff.   Just dance number after dance number with an intermission in the middle.   The finale was short and sweet with just the right amount of talking.   There was a packed house both nights.  The only time it felt like three hours is when I tried to stand at the end of the evening and my old knees were a little stiff.   

On day two, I volunteered back stage in the holding area.  While there is no perfect way to manage the young dancers, I felt that they were well contained which helped make the show run smoothly.   When I was part of the audience the night before, I had no idea what was going on behind the scenes.  There were a lot of people volunteering to make the night a success.

Maybe my favorite part of the night was the last number of the evening.   A contemporary piece by a creative genius, Hanna Bricston.   It was dramatic, well choreographed, beautifully danced and just amazing.   I took some video of it at rehearsal but nothing compares to seeing it live.  My daughter was fortunate enough to be in that number.   She was challenged by the piece, and I saw her dance with a maturity that I had not seen before.  She's grown a lot this year with her teachers at Integrity and with her choreographer from Infinity, Tess Renaud.  

I couldn't be happier with how this year has ended and with the changes I see in G as a dancer and as a person.  Well done to all my favorite dancers and teachers.  

I love seeing all the pictures from recital season..... friends from all over the country..... keep them coming!

Summer Reading

Kids are almost out for the summer.  Make sure that they time to read this summer.   There are so many great books out there.  This blog contains a recommendation from me as well as links to two great literary resources.  

 I would like to take a moment to recommend a young adult book series call the Lunar Chronicles.  There are four books in this series  Cinder, Scarlett, Cress and Winter.   These books are the retelling of fairy tales in a futuristic society.   Instead on simpering princesses, we find strong female characters that vaguely resemble fairy tale creatures.... Cinderella, Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel, and Snow White.   There is a ton of adventure and a little romance.   This series would be great for 12 year olds and older.  These books are longer, but don't let that deter you.  They are quick reads for adults and easily accomplished by younger readers. 

Think fairy tale meets Divergent.   These books were recommended to me by my 13 year old fellow book aficionado, Frankie.  She has her own vlog (video blog).  If you have a young reader, I highly suggest that you follow her vlog.  She has great recommendations.   Subscribe now.... this girl knows what she is talking about.

A link to her vlog:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-Oi9kE7u6ZBuZD0M3t6dxA


Another great resource for picking great books.... my friend Katherine, a 5th grade teacher.    She is always reading.   So if you have a younger reader, check out her blog.   A great resource.

A link to her blog:  http://readwriteandreflect.blogspot.com/

Young adult books are great reads for adults too.   Keep up to hate with what your kid is reading and get involved.   Let the library be your friend.  Have a great summer and happy reading!

First Light

Inspiration

Today's post is about my friend, Sue Templin, who is a fellow photographer.   I have known Sue for many years, and she never ceases to amaze me with the images she captures.   She deals mostly with landscapes and still objects, but her pictures of people are also stunning.   I am amazed with the patience she has to capture the perfect moment.  

This is one of my absolute favorites.   This simple dandelion is a thing of beauty.  Her patience and skills brought this image to us.   I love the editing and the simple phrase to accompany it.   She not only knows how to get the right shot, she also knows how to present a picture. 

This simple sunflower, also shot in macro, is presented on a wood plank.  Brilliant.   Who wouldn't want this hanging in their house.   Simple, rustic, glorious.  But she's not just about flowers.  She also works with vintage/antiques and sets the scene for some great pictures.  

Ok.. so there are flowers in this one too.  But the way she sets it up with the old book is genius.   This one is again printed on a wood plank.   Then there are the landscapes.  While I love to be surrounded by people, Sue is not afraid of the solitary moment.  She has a quiet peacefulness about her.  This is all very evident in her landscapes.   They will make you want to escape to that place!

I believe this one was shot in Michigan.  It looks cold but beautiful all the same.   The reflection off the water is this next one, taken in Ireland makes me want to sit down and read a book on the banks,

I met Sue when our daughters were riding together ... so needless to say we share an interest in barns and horses.   I would be remiss if I did not share a couple of those with you.

I am definitely inspired by her work.  I know that she has a patience and a quiet that I will never have.   But I love to look at her work.   She does sell her images via her Etsy shop.   I encourage everyone to follow her on Facebook, Instagram and to check out her shop.   Her work is amazing and of the highest quality.  She is also a very humble person.... so I am sure she will be taken aback by this blog.   Since she is never one to toot her own horn, I was happy to do it.  Keep those amazing images coming Sue... they give me some serenity.

Some links for you all:

Facebook page to follow:  https://www.facebook.com/firstlightphoto/photos

Etsy shop:  First Light Photo

It's all business

It has been awhile since I have posted.  I have been busy reading.   Trying to keep up with my goal of 50 books this year.    If you haven't found the website Good Reads... you should.  It is helping me track the books I am reading this year.  But I digress.    Today I wanted to talk about a phenomenon that just baffles me.    Today I will talk about places that provide services for kids activities.

So my kids all do activities outside of school, and I pay to have them educated in their chosen fields whether it is baseball, riding, dance, etc.   I have noticed a growing trend when dealing with these places.   I am basing this not just on my experience but on the experiences of friends both local and nationwide.   

These establishments that provided instruction are businesses.   My interaction with them are business deals.   And while my kids also enjoy the social aspect of these activities,  it is still a business deal at the end of the day.   They are in it to make money while doing something they love, and I am paying for a service.   I have seen both sides of the coin, operators who price gouge and owners who are overly generous. 

At the end of the day, month, year, you have to decide if this business is offering you a product that you want.   Are you getting a good return on your investment?  And while you may form great bonds/attachments, these people are not your family.   I think some businesses suck you into believing that you are family.  It is a way for them to make you feel guilty if you choose to leave.   Why choose to leave a place that calls you family?   Because they either don't offer the services that you want or you no longer feel that you are getting a return on your investment.   People get pissed when you leave.  I am not saying that everyone gets pissed.... I am not even saying the business owners get pissed.   Sometimes it is the owner, sometimes it the other clients.   But regardless, it's crazy.   If I or someone else has chosen to take their business elsewhere... it is because you are no longer providing a service they need or want.  So then you have to decide if you want to change the way you do business or keep it the way it is.   If you choose to keep it the way you have set it up, then you should be happy that certain clients have moved on.   Because if you aren't providing what they need, then they are going to be unhappy.   And a grumpy client can be toxic to your whole business. 

A split from your "family" can be stressful.  Feeling may be hurt at first.  Here are a couple of things to keep in mind

1.  Just because you leave or someone you consider close leaves does not mean you cannot be friends on the "outside"   I have remained friends with people both in the dance and horse world when our kids no longer rode together.  People I tolerated when we were at the same place, I have conveniently lost touch with.  You never know who you are going to run into or need in the future so the best course of action is to hold your head high and act with dignity. Those people who left before you might be your biggest resources.   I refuse to engage in destructive behavior especially with entitled sanctimonious children who think they know everything.  Moving on from the organization doesn't have to mean moving on from the people.

2.  Remember there are two sides to every story and the truth falls somewhere in between.  So if someone leaves and everyone else is telling horrible stories about them, take it with a grain of salt.  If you want the truth... listen to both sides and determine for yourself.

3.  If you are unhappy where you are, likely you are making other people miserable too and it might be time to move on.   I feel like I fell into this trap about 2 years prior to leaving a place where my kid was.   I was unhappy with what was happening, but I was so ensconced in the organization that I was scared to go anywhere else.   I let my daughter make decisions based on friendships.   I eventually had to make the difficult decision to remove her.  My stress level has dropped tenfold since making the decision to leave.  She is happier now as well.  My guess is the place we left is happier too.    My new arrangements aren't perfect, but they are perfect for us.

4.  I have never heard anyone say they regret making a change.   Most people I know are happy once they are able to refocus their energies into a new place that is better able to offer them the services that they want.   In saying that though, there are problems everywhere.   No place is perfect.   So find a place whose imperfections you can handle and go from there. 

5.  Always have a back up plan.   I have had to use mine twice.... once to an unexpected early departure and once because a business was closing.   Make connections with people outside of your "family" especially if you are at a competitive level.   Competitions are excellent places to see how people treat each other.   If they treat each other well during times of stress, then likely they treat each other well most of the time.

Remember at the end of the day, these are businesses.  And yes, they probably care about your child's well being; but they also care about running a profitable business.   You are your child's biggest advocate.

There are lots of great businesses out there... find one that fits your needs and everyone will be happy!

New York College visits

Going against every thing in my being, I headed northeast for spring break.   I drove 12 hours to a place that has weather very much like Chicago... bipolar.   I could have taken a route 12 hours south to much warmer weather.   But my goal was singular.  I was taking my daughter and her friend to upstate New York to visit three colleges.   The upside to all this was I was going to get to spend some quality time with a dear friend and her family.  The three colleges we visited were very diverse and all offered something different.   Below are  my impression as well as Gabby's ranking as to the probability of her attending.

Things that Gabby is looking for in a college:  Business program as well as equine studies classes.   A good probability of obtaining some merit scholarships, a riding team, not to big, the ability to involved in music at some level.

Colgate University:  I consider this a Tier 2 school... not Ivy League but close.   So clearly it is academically challenging.   The admission standards are high... not necessarily too hard for Gabby to get in but maybe harder to obtain merit money.    The classes would be academically challenging.   Their riding team is a club sport so riding would be an option.  The campus was gorgeous....hilly, stately old buildings, well groomed landscaping.   The downside was that the kids got a weird vibe from it.    All the students who we talked to had interesting majors that wouldn't really lead to actual jobs.  Our tour guide majored in philosophy and Japanese.   My guess is that a lot of these students go on to law school or med school.  I'm not sure my child is free spirited enough for this school

Gabby's score (out of 10):  -3

Syracuse University:  For my U of I friends.... this place reminded me a lot of my alma mater.  And I am not just talking the orange and blue.  It is one of the larger Universities we have looked at... about 15,000.  Lots of diversity in majors and clubs.  They have a business major but no equine classes (which is not a deal breaker).  Their riding team is a club.  They have a strong music/performing arts program.   Great academics and high admission standards.  Not sure on the prospects for academic scholarships.   The campus is very pretty and well planned out.   They clearly have great sports teams to watch!!!!!!   My fear is that the size of the campus will swallow my little introvert up and the urban setting  makes me a little concerned for her safety. 

Gabby's score :7

Cazenovia College:  The real reason we headed to upstate New York.  I am sure that most of you have never heard of it.   It is a small school.... about 1,000 students.  Gabby was able to sit in on a class here.. she took three pages of notes and said that the students in her class were all very nice and that the professor was intelligent and had a great teaching style.   This small college is situated in a small town that reminds me a lot of Lake Geneva (on a smaller scale)   The locals at the coffee shops and diner were also very friendly.   The faculty work hard to involve students, and because of the size, they really get to know their students.   There is no dedicated music program but they do run student musicals in their local vintage theater.   So cute.... They have business classes as well as equine classes and students can even get a breeding certificate. With Gabby's AP credits that she is accruing, she should be able to bypass some general education classes and take ample electives.     There are numerous academic scholarships that are available.  We also visited the Equine Education Center where the team practices and they hold classes.  They have a gorgeous facility that houses many disciplines.  Their horses are all donated; and because they are located in horse country, they have some spectacular horses there.   The barn manager gave us a complete tour.   The team is considered a varsity sport and fully funded by the university.  There was even a locker room to store your stuff so that your roommate wouldn't have to smell your horse laundry.  We sat and watched a practice and several of the team members made a point to come over and talk to us and answer our questions.   They run the team kind of like a sorority with big sisters and family.  Gabby's best friend said she could totally see Gabby there.  She was very supportive on this trip, and it was nice to get a perspective from someone who knows Gabby so well.  Gabby's main concern is that it is so small.  She doesn't want to do high school for a second time.   LOL  On a side note:  world renowned equestrian Beezie Madden lives in Cazenovia.  Just saying

Gabby's score:  9


We have also visited:  University of Wisconsin, Madison, Murray State, and Xavier.   Those details and scores to come later.   We have one left on the list that we have yet to visit:  Berry College in Rome, GA


I would love to hear from other people and their college visit experiences.   I feel more stressed helping my daughter pick the right college for her than I ever did picking a college for me.

Historical fiction

I know I haven't written a blog in awhile.... but I have been reading.   I have found a new love in Historical fiction.   In saying that though, I am not sure about the accuracy of the books I am reading because actual history holds no interest for me.  The last two books that I read were Historical Fiction, and they were fabulous.

Fever by Mary Beth Keane

This book chronicles the life of Typhoid Mary.   Mary is a well respected cook in New York.   She is unaware that she is a carrier of typhoid, but sickness follows her around.   Health officials quarantine her to an island.  She feels that she has been places there unjustly.   Once released with the understanding she is not allowed to cook for the public again, she returns to society.  Unable to avoid her previous life, she discovers that she may indeed be a carrier of this horrid disease that has killed some of the people she has cared for.   Her realization of this fact is a pivotal moment in the novel.   This novel is well written and engaging.   The author did a great job of playing with your emotion of wanting Mary to have justice and wanting what was right for society as a whole.   A great read!

The Traitor's Wife by Allison Pataki

Another great piece of historical fiction... although less "literary" than the last one.  This one reads more the a tame romance novel.   But the story is great and engaging.   I knew Benedict Arnold was a traitor but I never knew the story.  The story is told from the point of view of Arnolds wife's maid.  The maid, Clara, is an extremely likable character that you root for throughout the novel.   While Peggy Shipmen Arnold is not unlikeable, she is scheming and at time whiny.   One almost feels sorry for Arnold as he falls victim to his wife's demands.   It could be said that she is the ruin of him.   A nice light read for those of you who might be on spring break.

Coincidentally, this author is the daughter of former New York Governor George Pataki

A guide to dance competitions for the novice.

If you have a friend whose kids go to dance competitions, you probably see their posts on Facebook.  But they might as well be speaking a foreign language.   LOL   Dance competitions are set up to look like everyone is awesome and a winner.  In a way, it is sweet.   Another view is that it is setting our dancers up for failure.  I had to explain some of the terminology to a horse friend once.   Describing it is equine terms was hilarious.   Dance competitions are an everyone gets a trophy society.   Horse shows are definitely not.  Let me break down some terms and misconceptions for you all.

1)  Adjudicated awards:  This is the everyone get a trophy part.   So every dancer receives a score (usually out of 100) from each of the three judges.  These scores are combined to determine their adjudicated award.  These awards are given some great names, but the most common are Platinum, High Gold, Gold, High Silver etc.   I have seen them named after gems, a star rating, etc.  This past weekend they were Ultimate Elite, Superior, Outstanding.    I am waiting for the day that I see Double Sparkle with a Twist.   LOL.   You see how these might be deceiving.   If someone tells you they got a gold or an outstanding, you think they are amazing and at the top of their game.   In actuality, there is definitely room for improvement.   In saying all of this though, know the these dancers are getting scored by three judges..... totally subjective.   I have seen scoring that was skewed both ways... too high and too low.   Different competitions are known to look for different things.  Some are completely technical and some look for showmanship/entertainment factor.   I think all dancers who are brave enough to get on stage deserve accolades. 

2.  Levels:  this is a subject that gets my goat a little bit.   There are usually 2-3 levels of competition at each event.   Recreational/Intermediate/Competitive.   It is a teacher's job to place their students accordingly.   This is usually determined by the numbers of years competing or the number of hours of technique classes they take.   I have seen this system abused by many studios.   Students who have been competing forever placed in an intermediate category, young kids put in a dance to bring the age category down. Teachers/studio owners do it for one of two  reasons.   Either their dancers are not strong, and they want them to build their confidence or they want the studio to do well so the wins will bring in more customers.   My girls would rather see how they fare against the best of the best.   We always place them in the highest level, and we do not shy away from competitions where the best studios are going to be.  Sometimes we pick competitions strictly based on date and location.... sometimes we have no idea who is going to be there. 

3.  Placing:  This is where we get to the nuts and bolts..... they rank each level/age division.  Sometimes they do top ten and sometimes only top 5.   The divisions can be as large as 50.   At nationals one year, one of my dancers was up against 200 other soloists.    To place is always exciting... it's especially exciting if you have watched all the soloists, and you see some great talent.  I would rather one of my dancers place 10th in a really hard competition than first is an easy competition.   But a win is a win.  

4.  Special awards:  some times they have special judges awards, category winners, costume awards, photogenic, etc.  At the end of the day, these competitions are a business, and they like to recognize as many individuals as possible in order to keep business coming back.   Not a bad way to do it

The one really great thing about dance competitions that has horse shows beat.... the critiques.  You often get both written and video critiques.  The judges let you know exactly where you could improve and what you did well.  I wish horse shows would try this out.  Because sometimes that scoring is a mystery.


Let me talk about for a second how we are setting them up for failure.  To make a career out of dance is hard.   Auditions are brutal.   People in the professional dance world are honest..... if you are used to getting a Double Sparkle then hearing that you did not get anything at your audition might be a huge slap in the face.   On the flip side though by the time a dancer reaches 10, they know what is what... they are not fooled by the glorious sounding names of the adjudicated awards or levels.   Those are mostly for the blissfully unaware. 


I hope you enjoyed my guide to competition.... and a break down of how you might be deceived ;)  In honesty though, each dancer who gets out there deserves admiration and our attention.   They do it because they love it.

The 6th Extinction

The 6th Extinction

by Elizabeth Kolbert

In light of Leo's Oscar acceptance speech, my completion of this book could not be more timely.  I went out on a limb to read some non-fiction.   I wanted to expand my mind and read something I wouldn't normally read.   I am happy to report that this book did not disappoint me. 

I was worried that this subject matter would be dry, preachy, and way too scientific.   It was none of those things.  The basis of this book was extinction and whether or not we are on a path to another mass extinction.  The book is divided into chapters, and each one takes on another species that is in danger of extinction.  

The chapters are riddled with stories of the authors personal adventures in regards to her research.   This helps the subject matter from becoming boring.   I was happy to read about frogs, bats, mastodons, bats, and rhinos.   Each of the stories were leading to a greater message which helped me stay interested and see the bigger picture at the same time.  This format held my attention and propelled me forward.

I have always scoffed at the idea of global warming,  I mean..... I live in Chicago, and the last two winters have been beyond brutal.  But this book explained the ideas of global warming and ocean acidification in a way that was understandable to a non-scientist.   The author was brilliant in her use of stories and language.  Occasionally  the text got a little scientific, but it wasn't overwhelming.

When I picked this book up, I was a little concerned that it would get a little preachy about how humans are destroying the earth.   The author stated facts about the effects of humans on animals, resources and even prehistoric people.   She never once came across as sanctimonious.   She allowed me to form my own opinion and to see this idea of conservation and extinction in a whole new light.

An enlightening read! 

Reading Reading and more reading!!!!

I have set a goal this year to read 50 books.... That is about a book a week.  I think I should be able to accomplish that.  But I don't want it to be just any book.  I really want to read a variety of books and challenge myself to read things I wouldn't normally read. I am always looking for suggestions.... so if there is anything that you think I need to read please let me know.  You can track my progress on Good Reads.   I am currently reading my 9th book for the year.   I didn't really start until the end of January, so I have to make up for lost time.   Goodreads is a great app for readers.   It helps keep track of what you have read, what you want to read and what your friends are reading.

I read a couple of books last week  that I didn't write reviews on so here are two mini reviews:

Extraordinary Means by Robyn Schneider

Young Adult Lit... similar in story line to Fault in Our Stars.... I would put this at 14+ age group.  A quick read that is about a group of kids who are put in a boarding school after an untreatable case of TB breaks out.   Told from the point of view of the two main characters,  it is a romantic tragedy.

At The Water's Edge by Sara Gruen

Fiction... author of Water for Elephants..  this is essentially a story of mystery, adventure, scandal and love.   The love story kind of sneaks up on you which make it sweet and endearing.   Set in the highlands of Scotland, this story is centered around the search for the Loch Ness Monster.   But it is about so much more than that.  I thoroughly enjoyed this book.   While I wouldn't put it in the category of the best literature I have ever read, it was entertaining and engaging.  If you are looking for a good "story" this is a book for you.  

I am on to my next book.... pushing myself to read some non-fiction which has historically been my least favorite genre.   I chose a book based on something that was suggested on Pintrest.  Apparently Pintrest knows me pretty well because although it is slow going, I am enjoying this book.  I am sure to write a review on it when I am done with it. 

After non-fiction, I will have to go back to fiction for awhile... but might try out some poetry or perhaps a biography and definitely some classics.   Please send me suggestions or become my friend on Good Reads so I can see what you are reading.  

If you don't read, you are really missing out.  It brings me great joy.  I ran a book club for 15 years, and recently  I have been missing it.   Everybody just got to busy to meet.  If you are ever looking for a good suggestion of what to read, let me know!

Seven

I have been without my mom for 7 years.  7 years seems like a magic number..... 7 years bad luck if you break a mirror.... the 7 year itch...........if you are friends with someone for 7 years you will be friends forever.   7 years seems like a magical time line, but for me it seems like forever ago and like yesterday all at the same time.

When I contemplate 7 years,  I realize that I have friends in my life that never knew my mom.   My youngest barely remembers her.   I think that is the hardest part for me.   That she never got to see my kids be amazing young adults. I know how proud she would be of all of them.

For those of you who were unfortunate enough to not know her... her personality was larger than life.   She loved big and had a kind heart.   But cross her, and she hated big as well.   If she liked you, she would do anything for you.   If she hated you, you best move to the other side of the street, leave town, etc.   When I look back on some of the stupidity I have had to deal with in the past year, I can think of a couple of people who should probably be thankful she wasn't here to witness (and react to) the crazy.  She forgave rarely.

I know what you are thinking.... yes, I see a lot of my mother in my own personality.  She was a lot like me...magnified by 100..... She was a crazy, fun mother... but super strict at the same time.   We got away with nothing.  Didn't help that our neighbor had a police scanner (had to love Grandma Wally.)  I don't think I am as strict as she was... but I think my kids are better than we were as kids.  She was passionate and competitive about her sports.   I  like to win as much as the next person, but I DO NOT share her court side manner (which is a good thing in this day and age.)  I think there is as much to learn from losing as there is winning.

She loved to go to the grocery store (which everyone knows I hate.)  But she did it because it was social.   I think going to Markettis was the equivalent of meeting a friend for coffee.   She was social and a planner... that is me through and through.  I love to be surrounded by fun people, and I love to plan events.  There is never too small of an excuse for a party/get together.   I think this is one thing about me that drives my husband nuts... as he is less social than I am.   Like my mother but probably to a lessor degree, I do like to cause a little harmless mischief.    I have never, however, been thrown out of any restaurant.

Like my mom, I have a lot of acquaintances and a few really close friends that I would do anything for.   My mom's friends are as crazy as she is.  My kids refer to them as "The Crazy Ladies"  They helped each other through everything, graduations, weddings, baby showers, etc.   They had other names for their group that probably shouldn't be mentioned in a public forum.  LOL  While I don't have a large family, I grew up with a spectacular group of "Aunts."

Like her, I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in.   I believe that I get a lot of my strength from her.  As a child I was shy and awkward and wouldn't speak to anyone.  I clearly got past that.  I think my mom described me as "a drip"  That just cracks me up when I think about it.  My kids must have learned these lessons early.  None of them really have a problem speaking up or sticking up for themselves.   I have been thinking about mom a lot this past year with some of the people I have had to deal with, and I am thankful for these lessons that she has taught me.  I don't particularly like confrontation, but I am not afraid to stand up for what is right.  I know she would have stood by me and might have offered advice that would have been less than savory.   LOL  Her idea of revenge (which she firmly believed in) was to sit back and let karma do it's job. 

If you knew her, you either loved her or hated her... there was no halfway.   There are so many great stories about her... some of which should NEVER be repeated.   I think of all my kids, my middle daughter will probably carry on most of these personality traits.   But there is a little bit of Betha in both of my daughters.  So maybe you should take a little pity on my husband and son as they have to deal with three strong and slightly crazy women. 

Another Book Review..... The Hired Girl

This young adult novel is a Newberry Medal Winner.   I would highly recommend this book for any young reader but especially girls/women of all ages. 

I know my blogs have been dominated by book reviews, but when you find a good book it is hard to put it down long enough to write.   This was one of these books.   This is a story of a 14 year old Joan who longs for more than her rugged farm life can offer her.   Her mother who has passed away wanted more for her daughter than to wait on her father and brothers.  Joan is a smart girl who values education and religion.  Her father does not value these things.  

Joan takes matters into her own hands and runs away from the farm into the big city.  She gets work as a hired girl with a Jewish family.   Her adventures are just starting.   The plot moves along through a series of  journal entries.   Through these journal entries, we can tell that Joan is a strong, romantic,  intelligent yet naive girl.   Like any young lady, she questions herself regularly.... her religion, her position in life, her self worth.  

The Hired Girl is a heart warming story of perseverance and growth.    She finds an unlikely new family in her Jewish employer.  In the end she is also able to maintain her true character and religion.  They believe in her the way her mother did. In the end she is also able to maintain her true character and religion  The characters are well developed and realistic.   The plot moves along quickly keeping the reader drawn in and intrigued.  

If you are looking for a good read for your teen/preteen... this is a great read.  Read it with them.   It will open the door for some great conversations.   Happy Reading.

Book Review.... The House Girl

The House Girl

by

Tara Conklin

The House Girl was riveting.  I was intrigued by the subject matter.   Set in both the 1800's and modern time, this novel takes on the subject of slave reparations in a way that made sense to me  The author presented the subject in a way that brought light to a subject I might have otherwise dismissed.   To that very point, this book did what books are suppose to do... educate people.

Based on the story of a slave that was also an artist, we get a glimpse of slave owners who took credit for the work of their slaves.   While the book also talks about the gross hardships of being a slave, this was not the focus of the book .   Toggling between the life of Josephine the house slave and Lina the attorney who is the daughter of another famous author, this novel bridges the two stories perfectly.  Lina launches herself into proving that Josephine was the artist of a renowned collection of work that was credited to her owner.   Lina is also battling family demons herself in regards to her family and childhood.   Things are not exactly as she once thought.  

Sometimes novels that use this format are disjointed and confusing.  This novel blends the two story lines well making a flowing plot line that is easy to read.  The House Girl is a riveting read with language that is beautifully composed.  This novel allows you to see inside the lives of two very strong yet different female characters.  The plot line is brought along well and keeps you interested throughout.  

I would definitely recommend this novel.   Enjoy! 

My girls don't play sports

I get asked all the time if my kids play sports.  When I say one is an equestrian, one is a dancer, and my son plays basketball/baseball,  I often get the response, "so the girls don't play sports"  So most people think that dance and equestrian sports are not "sports."  I beg to differ.  My girls are dedicated athletes.  In order to break it down, I have looked into the definition of a sport.

The definition of a sport is one that 

1.  has an element of competition

2.  is in no way harmful to any living creature

3.  does not rely on any "luck" element specifically designed into the sport

4.  can be primarily physical, primarily mind, primarily co-ordination 

By that definition, both my girls participate in "sports."    Both of them compete in their chosen fields.     Dance competitions and horse shows are weekend long events... from sun-up to sundown.   Months of preparation goes into competing in both.   Dance routines are learned and perfected over a 6 month period.   Technique training is done year long.   Dancers are given a 3 minute spot in which to display their skills. The number of dances they are in determines how many times the judges see them.  They are judged separately for each dance. They rely on the opinion of three judges and place based on scores given.  There could be 10 people in their age division or 200.  Even if the dancer's studio doesn't participate in dance competitions, there is always competition in dance in the way of auditions for intensives, spots on company, lead roles, etc.

Horse show season runs December- October.   We usually only compete in the summer at the outdoor shows so our show season is generally shorter.   Training is year round... 6 days a week.. no time off.  It is a partner sport.   You have to work in partnership with an animal to create a great team.  Riders sign up for divisions (fence heights) where you are given one or two chances to jump a course and a flat class.  The opinion of one judge determines your placing.   There are generally 4-20 people in your class.   It is competitive...everything matters... horse, attire, trainer... it all puts together the package that you present to the judge.   And it is completely subjective and extremely competitive.  Your $500 off the track thoroughbred might be up against a $250,000 imported warmblood. 

#2 is tricky...... Not harmful to any living creature.  I am not sure why this is part of the definition, but this one might be debatable to both.    Dance is not designed to be harmful to any living creature.  Like any sports, injuries happen.   When a dancer is en pointe, the pressure on their feet is the equivalent of 3x their body weight on their two big toes.   For a 100 pound dancer, that is 300 pounds of pressure.  Not for the weak for sure.  They say that you can tell a dancer by their feet.   This along with the amount of strength and flexibility they must exhibit all the while appearing graceful makes them some of the world's best athletes.

Equestrians..... there is a potential risk for harm to two creatures.   Neither is usually intentional, but when you are dealing with an animal sometimes it happens.  I have seen riders injured and horses injured.   Horses by rule are prey animals, and this makes them spooky.  They might be the biggest chickens on the planet.   I have seen horses spook, buck and rear tossing the rider to the ground.  My daughter has been thrown from a horse more times than I care to mention, kicked by a horse, bit by a horse, and slammed into a stall wall by a horse.  Spend enough time around a horse, and you will get hurt at some point.  Horses generally injure themselves... they trip, run into things, get into it with another horse, etc.   Some times they get injured.  Any great horse person will try to avoid situations that will injure their horse.  Sometimes accidents happen.

#3.  Does not rely on luck.  Neither of these sports rely on luck. Both rely on training.....Lots of it.  My dancer has been in training since the age of three.   She started off slowly, but for the past 5 years has been training at least 4 days a week.  She is educated in several styles of dance.  She has taken classes from many different teachers with different styles. She has participated in conventions, intensives and workshops.  There is no luck to it... it is training...lots and lots of training.   My equestrian has been riding for 8 years.   For the past 6 years, she has been riding 5-6 days a week.  She will ride 1-3 horses a day.  She has been fortunate enough to ride many different horses.   All horses are not the same.  Each horse will teach you something different.   There are easy horses to ride and difficult horses to ride.  Each experiences makes you a better rider.   Learning what makes each horse go is part of the game.  A good rider can ride just about any horse.  I know a couple of young riders who can get on just about any horse and make it go.

#4... physical, mental and requires coordination.    I think I have pretty much covered the physical aspect of these sports.   Besides the physical there is also the mental and coordination.   Dance is as mental as physical.   You must not only remember choreography but also must recall the exact position and location of your muscles in  order to accurately facilitate a move.   You must push yourself past pain and exhaustion in order to train harder.   And coordination is a given.  In order to execute moves with grace, all your parts must be working in unison.   I will say this.. my dancer sometimes can't walk without falling, but she is pretty graceful on the stage. 

Horses... totally mental.  Get tossed off an animal whose back is about 6 feet in the air.... either go to the hospital or get back on.  Not a choice... you have to get back on.  Also, horses sense fear.  So when you get back on you have to pretend to not be afraid.    Take the same horse over a 4' jump for the first time.. ask it to leap in the air.. completely mental.  (at this point might be more mental for mom watching than the rider)And don't forget your course.  Memorize which jumps you need to go over and in what order.  More than one rider has succumbed to forgetting their course.  And coordination....oodles of it required.  Sometimes I listen to the trainer call out instructions, and I am baffled on how the rider is suppose to do "all that."   Heels down,  left leg, right reign, step out, half halt, push for the distance.   I don't know how they keep it all together.  It is like a foreign language sometimes.

I dare you to challenge that my girls aren't athletes.  I dare you to mess with either one of them   My eldest can boss around an 1,800 pound animal and make it look easy. Did I mention he might be the most stubborn creature on the planet?   You will not be a problem.  My dancer is equally as tough. She has more muscle than most kids her age... and she can be mean (but that has nothing to do with being a dancer)  Her body fat percentage might rival a lot of professional athletes.  Before you question whether something is a sport, maybe you should educate yourself.   I don't understand soccer.  It looks like people running back and forth to me.   But I am not ignorant enough to not think it is not a sport. 

Like with any sport, the amount of time and training you put into it determines how "athletic" and successful you will be.   If you are the school attendance secretary, please don't question me if I take my kids out of school for an athletic event.   You don't question the football team when they have to leave early for a game or are excused for a pep rally.   So unless you are willing to start an equestrian team at the high school or a competitive dance team at the middle school, don't question me.

And for the love of all that is holy, please do not ever say that the horse does all the work.

What year is this?

I just paid $51 for a vinyl record for my daughter.   Yes, you read that correctly...VINYL.   I can't believe in the year 2016 when you can download songs electronically for less than $1.50 that I actually just paid that.   She used a gift card from Christmas....but still.  

This was not a vintage one of a kind record.  This was a pre-ordered soon to be released album.    I am stupefied at this.  Is there some kind of marketing executives out there trying to promote the idea that scratchy vinyl is better than the electronic versions that we get?   The sad part is that the only place she can listed to these vinyl records is in her room.  She can't take them in her car; she can't put it on her phone.   I just don't understand the draw.  I think it is marketing genius.  Market these deep emotional meaningful albums to the teenager because a vinyl record is more likely to touch your soul and give you "the feels."  FYI ... "the feels" is when you are overwrought with emotion... so get your mind out of the gutter.

She said it is a better sound...... REALLY?  I disagree.   We have made so many advances in music delivery that I can't believe that vinyl sounds better.  Wait til it scratches and starts skipping.  See how great that $50 vinyl sounds then.   Maybe she's a naturalist..... maybe it's a purer sound.  Or maybe it is that these new vinyl records come in cool colors.   The vinyl might have a cool retro feel, but I doubt it sounds better.

I am not a music buff.  I like to listen to music but I like the convenience of having it on my iPhone or iPod.   She is a music buff..... she plays an instrument, sings, and truly understands the levels of music.   I just think it's great if it has a good beat and you can dance to it ...lol

Maybe next I should dig out my old stereo with the 8 track player.  Let's face it, my husband is a pack rat, and it just might be somewhere in the basement.   I'm sure pretty soon that is going to be retro and cool.  Maybe Solid Gold will come back on TV... I always wanted to be a solid gold dancer.  

Coincidentally, this album I just purchased is from a band called The 1975.  We are sooo retro in this house :)

Yes, I know there is a parental advisory on this.  My daughter goes to public school.  I am sure she hears worse things in the hallway at school. 

Book Review: Living Dead Girl

This book is with out a doubt disturbing.  The story is told from the point of view of a young girl who was kidnapped and held captive for 5 years.   At the age of 15 she gets "too old" for her captor and must find her replacement.  It's a twisted story of emotional, physical and sexual abuse.  There were many times that I wanted to put it down and walk away.  But more than anything I wanted this little girl to escape.   And while there is resolution at the end, it is a bit unclear as to what that resolution is.  

This book was a quick read.  The short chapters, the riveting story line, and the need for this little girl to be ok is what drove me through it.  As a mom of 2 girls, I was haunted by how easy it was for the captor to take the girl and what lengths he took to keep her from leaving.  I was also disturbed by the people around this pair who felt there was something not quite right, but did nothing about it.   

If you are looking for an uplifting book, this is not it.  But it is a story that is well told and thought provoking.  It is one of those that is not likely to leave you for awhile.

Book Review

To Be Sung Underwater by Tom McNeal

I have been choosing most of my books lately by stuff I see on Pintrest.... Covers draw me in, titles draw me in.  I am trying to balance YA lit, fiction and classic literature.  I am failing a little in the classic lit.   Maybe if I did young adult classic lit I could ease back into it.  Some of my favorite books of all time are the classics. 

This book would fall under the genre modern fiction.  It is essentially a love story, but not in the traditional sense.  It is divided into three sections.  During the first section the story flip flops between modern day and the past.  The whole time I kept asking myself, "Where are they going with this?"  It does become clear by the end but it takes about a third of the book to get there.

The story depicts the life of Judith  ranging from a young girl to an adult woman with a child of her own.  There are parts of the story that I love her character.  She is strong and confident and sure of herself.  Then there are parts of the story that I wonder if she is on the verge on completely loosing it.  It is during these parts that I don't like her character.  But I think that is unfair.  Because as a woman I think we all go through spurts of both strength and weakness.  I think that Judith was a better person because of her choices in the end.   Yet these choices at the time seem crazy and irrational.  And while I would never condone that type of behavior I think for her is was almost necessary.  She was losing herself in her current situation.  Midlife crisis...maybe 

This novel brings up the question of returning to your first love.   One tries unsuccessfully to forget it and the other can never forget.  First love is not always that tragic but it does teach us a lot.

I would recommend this book... it is a quick light read.  It will make you think and feel.  It is not a literary masterpiece but I liked it all the same.

TBH

TBH......Another one of those fine teenage acronyms that means "to be honest."   Teenagers all over the world are posting on social media:  Like for a TBH.   Once you like, you are at the mercy of your friend for a "totally" honest comment about you as a person.   People who like these posts aren't really doing it for an honest assessment.  They are looking for glorified pat on the back when their honest friend tells them how fabulous they are.   I have accidentally "liked" a picture before reading the caption and been on the receiving end of a TBH twice.  LOL!  I was totally embarrassed as though I was fishing for compliments.  It was kind of like posting a selfie.  Clearly you aren't going to post a selfie that sets you up to be unattractive or ask for a TBH from someone who doesn't like you.


This use of social media teeters precariously on making our children victims to society's perception of "belonging."  It is a dangerous tool.  And while most of the TBH posts I have seen have been positive, it does support the idea of what others think of you is important.  The reason most adults don't do TBH is that we don't need other to tell us who we are.  Most of us are comfortable enough in our own skin to not care what others thing.  Or maybe we don't want to look like we are fishing for compliments.  Adults have become more devious in their search for affirmation: selfies and TBH's are just to obvious.  We would rather stoop to vague Facebook posts that essentially get us the same response.

The urge to be accepted weighs on both sides... the person giving the honest statement and the person receiving the honest statement.  The person in charge of giving the TBH has all the power.   Yet giving a totally honest and maybe unsavory TBH might be as socially damaging as those receiving it.  Which is why these things lack honesty.  The positive point in all this is that we have trained our kids to say something nice or don't say anything at all.  I think my point is not that I want kids to tear each other down but that I don't think they should be spending so much time seeking approval from social media.
 
I think I should do a TBH post for two reasons..... 1.  I am extremely opinionated.   2.  My TBH's would be honest and probably pretty entertaining.

Most likely I would post something nice but then something honest that might be seen as offensive.  For example:  a TBH I would write about myself (as not to offend anyone who hasn't asked for it)

TBH:  You are a lot of fun to hang around with but your patience for stupidity is microscopic and you are horribly opinionated.  Also, the fat cells that you use to push the wrinkles out and keep you looking youthful might be a little overwhelming... lay off the cookies. 

Not sure I would be offended by what is completely true.  But maybe someone would say  something about me that I wasn't aware of.... would I be defensive or hurt?  Might depend on who it is coming from.

Who would be secure enough to ask for a TBH?   Who would still be my friend when it was said and done.  Funny to contemplate, right.

TBH my friends are my friends for a reason.  I accept them... the good, the bad and the ugly 

Book Review Painted Girls

First book of the year finished..... Technically I started it last year, but I finished it this morning.    The Painted Girls by Cathy Marie Buchanan was my first novel of the year.  

The basis of the novel is set around the paintings of Edgar Degas.  I picked up this book because I enjoy Degas' paintings of the dancers.   This novel follows three impoverished girls through their struggles to earn a living in the ballet in France.  In addition, it follows the story of unsolved murders during this time.

What struck me the most about this novel was the extreme poverty that these girls had to endure.  The direct juxtaposition between the poverty and the beauty of the paintings is what made this novel an unexpected pleasure.  I'm not sure of the validity of the story, but it was this direct difference that drew me in.  I would have assumed the ballet girls to be rich spoiled girls (maybe because I know how much I spend on dance for my daughter.)    These girls were anything but.  They scraped by and depended on "charity" of others.  The three sisters were well thought out characters each with  distinct personalities.  These characteristics reminded me of the differences in my own children which made the characters believable.

I also enjoyed the switch in perspective.  The story is alternately told by the two eldest sisters whose lives take very different paths.  This along with the occasional newspaper clipping thrown in to push forward the plot regarding the unsolved murders makes the novel a quick read.  The authors easy style and short chapters makes it a book you can easily pick up and put down without losing any of the content.

There is nothing I dislike more than a crappy ending.  Fortunately, you don't get it with this book.  The author neatly ties up loose ends with a bit of a flash forward.  Some might say too neatly, but I rather liked it.

While this book does not make my all time "must read" list, I would recommend it for anyone who is looking for a quick read with a historical perspective.  Please let me know if you end up reading it, and what you think.