No regrets!

As 2015 comes to an end, I look back on what a tumultuous year it has been.  There was a lot of upheaval in my life.  Would I have done anything different?  Not really.  Would I have handled things differently?  Maybe, but in the end the outcomes would have been the same.  I have learned a lot of lessons this year, but I have no regrets.

Lesson learned....Speaking the truth is hard, but sometimes the thing that needs to be said the most is hardest to deliver.  I have an uncanny knack for saying what most people are thinking.  Sometimes it gets me in trouble  But at the end of the day, it is what most people wish they had said or could say.  Does it make me a bad person...no... Does it make me unpopular with the people who need to hear the truth.. usually.  I am fairly honest about my short comings and those of my children.    I am pretty sure I know what people say about me when they talk about me.  At this point I am comfortable enough in my own skin not to change who I am for others.  Either you like me for me.... or you don't.

Lesson learned... You can't protect your children from stupid selfish people.    I encountered a copious amount of stupidity and selfish behavior this year.  People who were suppose to be adults treating my children and others poorly to feed their own personal agenda.  Some of this behavior was horrifying.  Instead of adopting a woe is me attitude, I used it as teachable moments for my kids.  They learned that it is not just other children who can behave badly.  Sometimes the behavior of adults is worse because honestly, they should know better. 

Lesson learned.......  You can't control other's actions only your reaction.  Sometimes our reactions to a bad situation aren't always our best behavior.  The best course of action is to apologize where needed and move on.  Sometimes people don't understand your actions because they don't know the whole story.  Try not to be quick to judge. 

Lesson learned.... Friendship isn't conditional.  True friends will stick with you no matter what.  I have lost friends and made friends this year.  I have had good friends stick with me in the face of adversity.  I have decided some friends were worth keeping and others were not.  Friendship shouldn't be conditional based on where your kids choose to participate in activities or go to school.  Yes it makes it easier when you see these people all the time, but it isn't a condition of friendship.  A lesson learned by me and my children.   True friendship is a gift.  I am blessed with some amazing friends.

Lesson learned:  Behind that storm cloud is something new and wonderful.  As the year draws to a close, I am content and happy.  My kids have all landed on their feet and are thriving.  I am happy and my stress level is low.  I look forward to the new adventures of 2016.  A new(ish) horse for Gabby that is both challenging and rewarding.  A new dance company for Gillian that is challenging and rewarding.  Status quo for the J man who is growing to be a compassionate and caring young man.  My kids are meeting challenges; and while they don't always succeed,  they are striving to and that will make them successful. 

I wish you all a challenging and rewarding 2016.   The best strides to success are often made after encountering diversity.   I would like a slightly less crazy year, but I am ready to take whatever challenges I might find head on.  I feel I have ended this year stronger than I started it.  Thank you to all of you who stuck by me! 

Happy New Year!

Light my Christmas

For those of you who have been friends with me for years, this diatribe will be nothing new.  Every year I lament about the tackiness of the outside holiday lights.  First let me start with a disclaimer:  This is my opinion.... you are entitled to yours.  Mine isn't the "right" one, but it is mine.  So if you enjoy tacky holiday lights or you don't think they are tacky...have at it! Do what makes you happy.

My girls and I often joke about creating a report card system for people's outside holiday display.  We wonder how offended people would be if we actually left them a written report card of what their holiday lights deserve.  We have never had the chutzpah to do this.  Instead, we drive around discussing the virtues or lack of on each Christmas display.  We know this isn't a Christian thing to do, but alas we have a lot of fun.  

My biggest pet peeve and the easiest way to get a failing grade is to display a plastic light-up nativity.   I mean, really.   Did Jesus give up his life so that we could mold him out of plastic and stick a light bulb up his heiny?  It seems almost sacrilegious.  It is down right scary and not even remotely cute.  I have seen Nativity done right.  A wood carving with a simple white light shining on it is very pretty.    I did have someone tell me once that their plastic nativity caught on fire..... think about the horrors of seeing baby Jesus go up in flames.  

Plastic light up displays in general will drop your grade.  You can get no grade above a D if you have any plastic light up displays.  They fade, and they are tacky.

Next in line are blow-up displays.  During the day they lie on the lawn like detainees at the Island of Misfit toys.  They come to life at night taking over a large portion of the yard.  They are huge and overbearing.  While I do like them slightly more than plastic.... they drop your grade to a C.

Let's talk trees...... please no floating trees.  Either you are going to take the time and energy to do it right or don't do it at all   One strand of lights flung around the middle of the tree looks ridiculous.  In the dead of night you can't even tell it is a tree.   It just looks like a strand of floating lights.  This will drop your grade one letter.

Ok.... on the subjects of lights... there is truly only one way to do holiday lights... white lights.  Either the warm white lights or the LED (bluish) white  lights are the way to go, but they should never be combined.  All white lights will give you the best grade possible provided you haven't perpetrated one of the other offenses.    Some times white light mixed with another solid color are pretty, assuming the pattern in consistent and symmetrical.  All colored lights are ok as long as they are ALL THE SAME!!!!!!!!  Mix and match when it comes to holiday lights is NOT ok.  Maybe lights should come like Garanimals did.... with tags that tell you what can be mixed.  

I will provide some examples and their scores for your viewing enjoyment and so that you can further understand where I am coming from.

Exhibit A:  Grade: A  Simple white lights and a classy wooden nativity

Exhibit B:  Grade:  F  Regular white lights combined with LED lights and color lights are a hot mess.   And given there is a Jesus with a bulb up his heiny... automatic F

Light up Jesus was hard to photograph

Exhibit C:  A simple and pretty

Exhibit D:  Grade: A... I  know you are saying blue lights, LED lights and white lights.... what!  But I believe that this family celebrates both Hanukkah and Christmas and since both are represented, it deserves an A... plus those trees are fantastic. 

Exhibit E:  Grade C.... not horrible... but the floating tree  :(

I would never ostracize someone for bad lighting.  I do this all in good fun.  It is the opinion of one person.. my opinion.  If you enjoy your plastic Jesus then let that bring Joy to you this holiday.

I bet you are all wondering what the outside of my house looks like....

There are no lights.... zero....  LOL

Finals Week

Finals week in our district is upon us.  I know a lot of high schools do them after the holidays.  But I am grateful that my district made the change a couple of years ago.  Sure it's hectic.... sure it's a frenzy.   However, the students are able to relax through the holidays without having to worry about studying or more realistically worrying about how they are not studying.

Students walk around with a "woe is me" attitude or "my teacher is so mean."  They have no idea that finals week is almost equally as difficult for teachers.  There are many aspects that contribute to the stress of finals week. 

First of all, as the students get stressed, their behavior goes in the toilet.   The type of behavior you must deal with depends on what kind of student you are dealing with.  Group One is the over achievers.  They are smart, high achieving grade grubbers.  With this group, our teachers must deal with over tired, over caffeinated, over pressured, cranky students.  They are usually hard working and pushing to get their GPA and class rank up because they are aware that college is looming.  They are scraping for every percentage that gets them closer to that Ivy League School.  While I applaud this group, I wonder if in the end the stress is worth it.  Are they so overwhelmed and anxious that it affects their performance.  They have the rest of their lives to succumb to the pressure of being overachievers. 

Group two are the underachievers who are clawing their way to a D.  They have spent the entire semester studying Snap Chat and Twitter instead of their subjects.  They are the type of students that when given time to work on something in class.... do everything but work.  They chat with friends, play on their phones, and might even attempt to sleep.  They are the 11th hourers.....they come to you 3 days before the end of the semester and want to know what missing assignments they have.  They are desperate.  And teachers as a rule are compassionate, and they want to help.  But it comes at an expense to the teachers.  Extra work, extra time, extra grading. 

In addition to dealing with these overwhelmed students, the teacher themselves have work and personal lives.  It is no easier for them.  The amount of grading at this time of year is ludicrous.  Make-up assignments, projects, and finals.  Add to this that teachers must also be adults when they go home.  Many teachers are parents that must prepare for the holidays.  Some have small kids and babies.  In addition, teachers WANT kids to succeed.   These finals are a culmination of all the lesson planning, teaching and tutoring that they have been doing all year.  They want students to want to succeed.  Teachers put in extra time during finals week to make sure their students have the materials they need to be successful whether they are the grade grubbers or the 11th hourers.  

So as we begin this finals week....good luck to all teachers, students and parents.  May the odds be ever in your favor

..

Last April, due to some crazy circumstances, I pulled my daughter from the dance studio where she had been dancing since she was 5.  It was a turbulent time.  Later that week, I posted the following on Facebook

"Everything happens for a reason.  G will no longer be dancing with her current dance company.  I believe there are great things in her future and can't wait to get started down that road.  Best of luck to the rest of the company as they finish their season."

There was nothing derogatory about my post.   Just an informative selection so that friends and relatives from out of town/state would know that there would be no more competitions or recitals for that year.  There was a response from a relative of one of the dancers from that company that did not sit well with me.  I let it go at the time because I did not want emotions to play any part in my response.  But it has bothered me for the better part of a year.  The response I got was this

"What's amazing is 'insert name of company' got her to where she is today"

I probably should let it go, but for some reason I feel that I need to get it off my chest.  To insinuate that one person or organization makes a person what they are is just ignorant.  Disclaimer:  This was not the view of that organization or its employees. 

Certainly all the teachers who have worked with her have been instrumental in making her the dancer she is today.  But did they do it singe handed?   Did they get her to where she was all by themselves?  Is the dancer she was last April the dancer that she really wants to be. 

I have put a lot of time and energy into my daughter's dance education.  I cannot even begin to calculate the hours I have logged driving to and from class, extra rehearsals, competitions, photo shoots, recitals, and social events that revolve around dance.  I have encouraged her when she needed it, pushed her when she needed it and wiped her tears when she needed it.  I have fought with her to go to class when she didn't feel like it or to take an extra class that she didn't want to take because I knew it would make her a better dancer.  I have made hard decisions and been the bad guy because I wasn't a "cool mom" like some of her friends' parents who allowed their dancers to miss class because they didn't feel like going or they "had too much homework."  Why did I do this?  To get her to become a better dancer and to "get her where she is." 

Let's talk about the other commitment..... the financial commitment.  Without my commitment to fund her dance education, she would not be the dancer she is today.  I am talking about $600/month of dance tuition in addition to $1,200 a year in costumes plus entry fees, extra rehearsals, music, spirit wear, etc, etc, etc,  Without this commitment, she wouldn't be the dancer she is today.  I could have spent my money any where.  I choose to spend my money to fund her passion for dance.

Her teacher's commitment to her and my commitment to her would be nothing without her commitment.  It was clear fairly early on that not only did she love dance, but that she had a natural affinity for it.  But that would have gotten her no where with her hard work and drive.  One story that speaks highly of this commitment and drive is story of her broken arm.

When she was just 10 years old, G broke both bones in her lower arm attempting an aerial at dance.  That was on a Wednesday.  She would have to be in a cast/splint for ten weeks.  She was back to dance on Monday in a cast that went from her upper arm and over her wrist.   She would be unable to straighten her arm.  I believe a lot of kids would have sat the rest of the season out.  That wasn't even a discussion in our house.  Her teachers were amazing in encouraging her and re-choreographing dances to work with her broken arm.  Her drive not only allowed her to continue to dance, but to continue to excel.  At Nationals that year, she brought home a National Championship for soloists 9-10.   Great choreography along with her drive got her there. 

So needless to say G did not get where she is as a dancer alone. Her teachers didn't get her there alone.  I didn't get her there alone.  It was a team effort.  One wouldn't have worked without the other. 

So now let's talk about where she was as a dancer.  She had learned a lot, she had been successful in competition, and she was advancing in levels at her studio.  So was she where she wanted to be?  She probably thought she was, but I was beginning to see a different attitude in her.  While I feel she had more to learn from her teachers at the studio, the learning environment wasn't conducive to the education she needed.   She was becoming complacent.  

This complacency might have come from being too comfortable with her situation  Her teachers informed me that she was becoming lazy.  She rarely missed a class.  But if she was lazy, then she wasn't getting everything out of the classes.  She was giving minimum effort.  By seeking out other teachers and classes, I was hoping to reignite her passion for dance.  She wasn't where I wanted her to be. I was giving too much of a commitment for her to be complacent.   

I hold nothing against her former studio.  It was the right place for her right then.  Her teachers gave her what she needed, and she thrived there.   But what is right for one person at a given time, isn't right for everyone or even right for that same person at a different time. 

She's doing something completely different this year.  She is definitely pushing herself.  I see her marking choreography in the back of the room while waiting her turn to perform.  She puts in extra practice on her competition dances.    She is being pushed by other dancers at the studios where she takes classes.  I like to believe she is growing in her ability.   I do know that she has learned to love dance again.  Different teachers, different styles, different studios, different experiences.  Her education will continue to be a team effort...... building on everything her former teachers have taught her, what her current teachers are giving her, my commitment and her drive. 

 

 



 

AF

AF

 

Every generation has their slang words and catch phrases.  For the most part, I think it is awesome.  These phrases give each generation a sense of identity and belonging.   If you are in middle school or high school..... makes you feel cool to use them.   They make you feel like you belong, that you are part of something.  We all used them as teenagers whether it was "groovy" or "for sure."  No matter what your era, there is a phrase that you can identify with.

 

I have two teenage daughters and work in a high school setting.  So I am privy to a lot of these new terms.  I pride myself in learning what the catch phrases mean so I am not caught unawares when I hear them at home or in the hallways.  For the most part I find them amusing and cute.

 

Currently there is an acronym among the teenage set that leaves me baffled. The term "AF" is both inappropriate and classless.  For those of you who don't hang with the younger set, it is a descriptor that means "as fuck."  So something can be cute af... or hot af.....or cool af... goals af.   Why teenagers think it is appropriate to use is beyond me.  Just because you have shortened it doesn't mean that we don't understand the meaning behind it. 

 

My guess is that there are a lot of parents out there who 1) don't know what it means and/or 2)  don't follow their children on social media so they aren't aware that their children are using this terminology.  I think as parents we need to expand our children's vocabulary so that they don't feel the need to use such vulgar phrases/acronyms.   The phrase itself doesn't make grammatical sense. 

 

 

So I have already warned my children, if I catch you using this particular phrase..... you will be in trouble af, grounded af, and phoneless af.

 

 

Hope your day is Merry AF!!!!!!

 

Radio City Music Hall

I have recently embarked down the road of helping my eldest daughter search for a college that will meet all her needs.  I felt like I had a great advantage because I went to college.... my husband went to college.  We were "college educated."  Boy was I mistaken......Things have definitely changed.  I think before I go into what is entailed there, I want you to understand where we are coming from.

First of all, whenever anyone asks what Gabby's plans are for college she gets this deer in the headlights look which quickly turns into stink eye......then a complete shut down.  Gabby and I have a really great relationship.  So I asked her what the anti-college attitude was about.  Her answer really surprised me.  She is excited to go to college.  But she says when people start to ask her about her future plans, she gets really stressed. 

I have read a study that talks about the stress of picking a college.  As a photographer, I always ask what my senior's plans are.    This is not to put them on the spot but because I am interested and curious.  I tried to explain this to Gabby, but she has another perspective entirely. 

Gabby is a highly intelligent successful student who harbors a passion for all things equine and music.   She knows that whatever she ends up doing with her life, these two things need to be involved.  We have discussed at length that majoring in equine studies is not enough to spend college tuition on.  But we have come up with some compromises.... equine business management or a major in business with a minor in equine studies.  Half of her frustration is that when she mentions that she wants to go into horses, people try to talk her out of it or tell her it is ridiculous.

Gabby has had a passion for animals since she was born.  I am not just talking an interest.  She has read everything about lizards, dogs, and horses that has been published.  Maybe I exaggerate, but she is really knowledgeable about all these things.  So why are people so quick to rain on her parade?  She has taken a logical approach to using her passion (horses) and making it marketable (business).   Her father and I agree, we would rather see her take this route than be stuck in a high paying career that makes her miserable.

The horse industry is not easy.  It is hard emotionally and physically.  But she has never been scared of hard work.  Most people assume she wants to be a veterinarian.   She does not want to spend her days taking care of and sometimes having to put down sick horses.  She wants to educate...people, horses, etc. 

So Gabby and I have come up with a strategy that will help when people start to needle her about her future plans.   I did what any good mother would do.   I told her to LIE!!!!!!  Make up something good  that will leave people baffled and maybe make them walk away.   So if you ask Gabby what her plans are, you are likely to get this answer:   Gabby is going to New York to be a Rockette.  To make it a believable we looked it up, and yes she meets the height requirement.  Never mind that she has only had one dance class her whole life. 

Keep this in mind when asking kids about their future.  It is stressful, especially for those people pleasers like Gabby.

up next.......the actual college search process and what I have learned.....

I have been contemplating writing a blog for many years.  I have a lot of crap to say, and I love to write.  My friend, Kelly Ortiz, encouraged me long ago to try it.  So Enjoy! 

Why "Dinner with Cramer?"  No, I am not going to be writing about food all the time.  This phrase was coined in college when I was a resident advisor.  The residents advisers would go to dinner together as a group.  And no topic was off limits.  And usually it was me that ended up saying the unsavory thing that people were thinking but were too reserved to say out loud. 

So this blog will be about everything and anything and may sometimes be a little uncouth.  I am a mother, a wife ,a teacher, and a photographer.  My kids are involved in horses, dance, baseball, basketball, academics and music.  I look forward to writing about all these things.  

Stay tuned for my first real post.... about surviving the college search!