It's all business

It has been awhile since I have posted.  I have been busy reading.   Trying to keep up with my goal of 50 books this year.    If you haven't found the website Good Reads... you should.  It is helping me track the books I am reading this year.  But I digress.    Today I wanted to talk about a phenomenon that just baffles me.    Today I will talk about places that provide services for kids activities.

So my kids all do activities outside of school, and I pay to have them educated in their chosen fields whether it is baseball, riding, dance, etc.   I have noticed a growing trend when dealing with these places.   I am basing this not just on my experience but on the experiences of friends both local and nationwide.   

These establishments that provided instruction are businesses.   My interaction with them are business deals.   And while my kids also enjoy the social aspect of these activities,  it is still a business deal at the end of the day.   They are in it to make money while doing something they love, and I am paying for a service.   I have seen both sides of the coin, operators who price gouge and owners who are overly generous. 

At the end of the day, month, year, you have to decide if this business is offering you a product that you want.   Are you getting a good return on your investment?  And while you may form great bonds/attachments, these people are not your family.   I think some businesses suck you into believing that you are family.  It is a way for them to make you feel guilty if you choose to leave.   Why choose to leave a place that calls you family?   Because they either don't offer the services that you want or you no longer feel that you are getting a return on your investment.   People get pissed when you leave.  I am not saying that everyone gets pissed.... I am not even saying the business owners get pissed.   Sometimes it is the owner, sometimes it the other clients.   But regardless, it's crazy.   If I or someone else has chosen to take their business elsewhere... it is because you are no longer providing a service they need or want.  So then you have to decide if you want to change the way you do business or keep it the way it is.   If you choose to keep it the way you have set it up, then you should be happy that certain clients have moved on.   Because if you aren't providing what they need, then they are going to be unhappy.   And a grumpy client can be toxic to your whole business. 

A split from your "family" can be stressful.  Feeling may be hurt at first.  Here are a couple of things to keep in mind

1.  Just because you leave or someone you consider close leaves does not mean you cannot be friends on the "outside"   I have remained friends with people both in the dance and horse world when our kids no longer rode together.  People I tolerated when we were at the same place, I have conveniently lost touch with.  You never know who you are going to run into or need in the future so the best course of action is to hold your head high and act with dignity. Those people who left before you might be your biggest resources.   I refuse to engage in destructive behavior especially with entitled sanctimonious children who think they know everything.  Moving on from the organization doesn't have to mean moving on from the people.

2.  Remember there are two sides to every story and the truth falls somewhere in between.  So if someone leaves and everyone else is telling horrible stories about them, take it with a grain of salt.  If you want the truth... listen to both sides and determine for yourself.

3.  If you are unhappy where you are, likely you are making other people miserable too and it might be time to move on.   I feel like I fell into this trap about 2 years prior to leaving a place where my kid was.   I was unhappy with what was happening, but I was so ensconced in the organization that I was scared to go anywhere else.   I let my daughter make decisions based on friendships.   I eventually had to make the difficult decision to remove her.  My stress level has dropped tenfold since making the decision to leave.  She is happier now as well.  My guess is the place we left is happier too.    My new arrangements aren't perfect, but they are perfect for us.

4.  I have never heard anyone say they regret making a change.   Most people I know are happy once they are able to refocus their energies into a new place that is better able to offer them the services that they want.   In saying that though, there are problems everywhere.   No place is perfect.   So find a place whose imperfections you can handle and go from there. 

5.  Always have a back up plan.   I have had to use mine twice.... once to an unexpected early departure and once because a business was closing.   Make connections with people outside of your "family" especially if you are at a competitive level.   Competitions are excellent places to see how people treat each other.   If they treat each other well during times of stress, then likely they treat each other well most of the time.

Remember at the end of the day, these are businesses.  And yes, they probably care about your child's well being; but they also care about running a profitable business.   You are your child's biggest advocate.

There are lots of great businesses out there... find one that fits your needs and everyone will be happy!

New York College visits

Going against every thing in my being, I headed northeast for spring break.   I drove 12 hours to a place that has weather very much like Chicago... bipolar.   I could have taken a route 12 hours south to much warmer weather.   But my goal was singular.  I was taking my daughter and her friend to upstate New York to visit three colleges.   The upside to all this was I was going to get to spend some quality time with a dear friend and her family.  The three colleges we visited were very diverse and all offered something different.   Below are  my impression as well as Gabby's ranking as to the probability of her attending.

Things that Gabby is looking for in a college:  Business program as well as equine studies classes.   A good probability of obtaining some merit scholarships, a riding team, not to big, the ability to involved in music at some level.

Colgate University:  I consider this a Tier 2 school... not Ivy League but close.   So clearly it is academically challenging.   The admission standards are high... not necessarily too hard for Gabby to get in but maybe harder to obtain merit money.    The classes would be academically challenging.   Their riding team is a club sport so riding would be an option.  The campus was gorgeous....hilly, stately old buildings, well groomed landscaping.   The downside was that the kids got a weird vibe from it.    All the students who we talked to had interesting majors that wouldn't really lead to actual jobs.  Our tour guide majored in philosophy and Japanese.   My guess is that a lot of these students go on to law school or med school.  I'm not sure my child is free spirited enough for this school

Gabby's score (out of 10):  -3

Syracuse University:  For my U of I friends.... this place reminded me a lot of my alma mater.  And I am not just talking the orange and blue.  It is one of the larger Universities we have looked at... about 15,000.  Lots of diversity in majors and clubs.  They have a business major but no equine classes (which is not a deal breaker).  Their riding team is a club.  They have a strong music/performing arts program.   Great academics and high admission standards.  Not sure on the prospects for academic scholarships.   The campus is very pretty and well planned out.   They clearly have great sports teams to watch!!!!!!   My fear is that the size of the campus will swallow my little introvert up and the urban setting  makes me a little concerned for her safety. 

Gabby's score :7

Cazenovia College:  The real reason we headed to upstate New York.  I am sure that most of you have never heard of it.   It is a small school.... about 1,000 students.  Gabby was able to sit in on a class here.. she took three pages of notes and said that the students in her class were all very nice and that the professor was intelligent and had a great teaching style.   This small college is situated in a small town that reminds me a lot of Lake Geneva (on a smaller scale)   The locals at the coffee shops and diner were also very friendly.   The faculty work hard to involve students, and because of the size, they really get to know their students.   There is no dedicated music program but they do run student musicals in their local vintage theater.   So cute.... They have business classes as well as equine classes and students can even get a breeding certificate. With Gabby's AP credits that she is accruing, she should be able to bypass some general education classes and take ample electives.     There are numerous academic scholarships that are available.  We also visited the Equine Education Center where the team practices and they hold classes.  They have a gorgeous facility that houses many disciplines.  Their horses are all donated; and because they are located in horse country, they have some spectacular horses there.   The barn manager gave us a complete tour.   The team is considered a varsity sport and fully funded by the university.  There was even a locker room to store your stuff so that your roommate wouldn't have to smell your horse laundry.  We sat and watched a practice and several of the team members made a point to come over and talk to us and answer our questions.   They run the team kind of like a sorority with big sisters and family.  Gabby's best friend said she could totally see Gabby there.  She was very supportive on this trip, and it was nice to get a perspective from someone who knows Gabby so well.  Gabby's main concern is that it is so small.  She doesn't want to do high school for a second time.   LOL  On a side note:  world renowned equestrian Beezie Madden lives in Cazenovia.  Just saying

Gabby's score:  9


We have also visited:  University of Wisconsin, Madison, Murray State, and Xavier.   Those details and scores to come later.   We have one left on the list that we have yet to visit:  Berry College in Rome, GA


I would love to hear from other people and their college visit experiences.   I feel more stressed helping my daughter pick the right college for her than I ever did picking a college for me.