Unless you have been living under a rock, you would know that Thirteen Reasons Why has become a phenomenon to rival Pretty Little Liars and Grey's Anatomy. While the premise of the show might have parents a little on edge, watching this show with your kids is important.
1. It will make you uncomfortable As a society, we tend to sweep hard issues under the rug. Watching this show with your kids will be uncomfortable. Themes of rape, underage drinking, drugs and suicide are at the forefront of this show. Uncomfortable is good because sometimes we need to go outside of our safe zone in order to understand.
2. Bullying Teenagers often treat each other like shit whether they are aware of it or not. One of the themes of this show is bullying and how the things we do to and say about each other make a difference. All teens have been affected by gossip and bullying in some form or another. If we can teach our kids to simply consider others and their hardships, we might just make this world a better place. The basis of this show is bullying. And while what one person said might not be that damaging.... stock pile it with what everyone says. Sometimes it is a lot to take in. If we teach our kids to build each other up instead of tearing each other down, we are doing society a service.
3. Underage Drinking and Drugs This story line clearly outlines the dangers of underage drinking. Teenagers are not yet responsible enough to handle the consequences of drinking or to monitor themselves to determine when enough is enough. That is why there is a drinking age. Two very specific incidents will speak directly to this issue. If your child goes to high school, they know kids who do drugs and they probably know someone who sells drugs. A conversation about making smart choices when it comes to drugs is always important. Kids think they are invincible. It's ok to remind them that they are not.
4. Peer Pressure and Mob Mentality The group of kids involved in the plot line clearly pressure each other to take action in ways they would not if they were working alone. And there is a large group of them working together which creates a mob mentality. I tell my own daughters that I trust their judgment, but sometimes I don't trust what others will try to lead them into doing. I worry about what will happen when they are put into a situation where they will be required to make a "good choice" Sometimes even if you do make the good choice, if you surround yourself with those that make bad choices then you are guilty by association. As the size of the group grows, the pressure to make the popular and sometimes bad choice increases.
5. No Means No Going back to #1.. there are several very uncomfortable scenes in this show. Two such scenes involve rape.. one of an unconscious girl and one of a girl who doesn't speak up. We must teach our daughters and sons not only that this is never acceptable, but also that it is necessary to report it. Because if the first of those girls would have reported it, the second may never have happened. Several people witnessed the first rape and no one said anything.
6. Time spent with your kids is valuable. Kids grow fast, and time spent with them is valuable. Why not spend time doing something they enjoy. Kids everywhere are talking about this show. Spending time watching this show with them is time well spent. You do everything for them when they are young, but they probably need you even more when they are teens. Soon they grow up and go away..... so why not.
7. Healthy Relationships This show definitely opens the avenue for discussion on what makes a healthy relationship. I have two teenage daughters, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about who they were choosing to involve themselves with. I don't care what nationality, religion, gender, etc they choose to date. But I expect whoever they choose to treat them with the same respect I expect from my children. I want them to be kind, respectful people who behave in school and society and who work hard. I emphasize often that part of a healthy relationship is communication... and I am not talking text and Snapchat. Had Clay and Hannah actually talked, would the outcome have been the same?
8. Just because your kid is smiling, doesn't mean they are ok. We all want the best for our children. We want them to be ok. On the outside, this girl looked happy and well adjusted. Her parents were involved. They never suspected a thing. While living in paranoia is not good either, let your kids know it ok not to be happy. But it is always good to talk. It goes back to #7.... healthy relationship and communication.
9. Know your kids friends and if possible their parents. So far my girls have been on the right track. I think they are making great choices. And honestly, for the most part I trust them. I do get concerned with who they choose to surround themselves with. My eldest is in a gifted academy, and most her friends are like her. They are responsible, kind, respectful with a lot of common sense. My next oldest..... not so much. I worry about her more because her peer group aren't always the kids that have been raised in the same type of environment as she has. She will definitely be exposed to more opportunities to make bad choices. So in a way, I have to trust her more. I have to communicate with her more and make sure she stays the great kid I believe her to be. Did Hannah's parents really know her friends?
10. Its ok to snoop on your kids So as much as you want to trust your kids and their friends, sometimes it is ok to check up on them. I require my kids to give me passwords to all of their electronic devices. Some kids will not be ok with this. And I ask..."why, not" What are they hiding? That would make me even more concerned. I've heard other kids say they need their privacy. And they can have it when they are grown and living on their own and paying all of their bills. I pay a gross amount for my kids to have cell phones. These phones are mine, and I can do whatever I want with them. I have not found cause to snoop on them often but if I was suspicious about something, I would make it my business. If my kids want to hang out with a new friend, I try to learn something about them. Social media makes this really easy. I also track their phones... especially when they don't reply in a timely manner. Never let life get too busy to check in on your kids. This might seem over the top and that I don't trust my kids. But they are still developing into adults, and they still need guidance. This show might just show you another side to teens that you didn't know existed. Get to really know kids these days... it might be an eye opener.
11.Not my kid Going back to #10. If you think you know your kid, check up on how they talk with their friends. The kids in this show seem to be the kids that have so much going for them. They were the athletes and the go-getters. This was my scariest take away from this movie. I mean I think my kids are "good kids" They seem to make good choices. But what if I am lying to myself. I think all kids have the capacity to make bad choices. At the end of the day, you just have to pray they don't. You have to give them the tools they need and hope they use them.
12. Let your kids know its ok to snitch What's the saying.... snitches get stitches....... What if just one of those kids would have told an adult. The domino effect of the events in this movie is unreal. What if someone would have stopped the dominos from toppling over. Just one ripple in this chain of events would have changed the entire outcome. You don't want your kid to throw everyone under the bus for the smallest infraction... that would be annoying. But some of the occurrences in this show were life altering. It is always ok to alert an adult if someone could potentially get hurt.
13. Suicide ruins families and other people and is never the solution. This girl thought her only course of action was to end her life. She destroyed her parents and her friends. If she had opened up to them, she would have found support. I was really afraid that this show would glamourize suicide and make it a viable option for teens who are depressed, being bullied, etc. I hope instead that it showed the devastating effects. I am curious to see the statistics on teen suicide after this show has gained so much popularity. Hopefully this show has opened the door for more people to talk to their kids.
I am not a perfect parent. I do not have perfect kids. But I am fighting like hell to make sure they are healthy, happy people who are good human beings. I am working to give them the tools they need to accomplish that. And I love them like crazy. They would probably tell you that I am too strict or expect too much. I thought the same of my mom. But I think I turned out ok so she must have been doing something right.
So while I gave you thirteen reasons to watch this show..... there is only one.... and that is communication.
