College Ready?

So I did it, I dropped my first born off at college.    I am beyond excited for her.   College is a great place to mature and learn and make some of the best friends that you will ever have.  In my preparation for this moment, I have encountered a couple different kinds of responses when people find out you have to drop a child off at college.   None of their words are spoken out of malice, but I found the responses intriguing and probably based on their own experiences.

#1.... "It's not like she's dying, she's just going away"   I found this said mostly with people who had no kids or who had not sent a child off to college.   And I couldn't agree more... she is certainly not dead.   I can still communicate with her, and social media has made it really easy to still be a part of her life.   What did die was my family as I know it.   I think one of my super powers is being a mom.   I think that I am pretty darn good at it.  I feel it is my purpose.   So when the cohesive unit I have so lovingly put together is split up..... a part of that dies with it.   Everything has to change.... it's buying one package of meat at the grocery store and not two.....   It's having one less driver to run places....  It's not staying up waiting for her to get home because I am no longer in charge of that.   My life will change.  It is not a bad thing.  It is just different.


#2  People asking if I am "ok"   Quit asking me if I am ok.    Because I am.... and I am not.     This is everything we have worked for in the past 18 years.    Every year in school, every extra curricular, every life lesson was leading up to this.   Gabby was ready to go to college when she was 8.    I have taught her to be fiercely independent. She is more than ready.   And despite the diverse community we live in, it is really a microcosm of what the rest of the world has to offer.   She is ready for this.
So why do you ask me am I not ok at times?    I have spent the last 18.5 years preparing her for this.   I have spent years making sure she is ready.    I have invested A LOT of time in making sure she is a great human being.    I have done such a good job that I will miss everything about her.   She is not perfect, but she is one of the best.   I see that she is anxious about making new friends, and that makes me anxious for her.   I know once people get to know her that they will see what I see, and she will be more than ok.   But as much as I tell her that, she will have to experience it for herself.  

#3 People who expect me to be heartbroken.  I am a little, but my excitement for her certainly outweighs my missing her.    I think social media sets us up to ask for sympathy and get responses from people.   The expectation is that I will be a hot mess of tears.   And if you aren't then somehow you aren't a good parent.  If your emotional there is no shame in that.   If you are stoic, there is no shame in that either.    I will be honest...for the whole week leading up to her departure, I would lock myself in my bathroom and bawl my eyes out.   But now that the deed is done, the anticipation was ten times worse than the actual act of leaving.   I cried for like 30 seconds... and let her go on to start her adult life.  Because let's face it, as much as you miss them you don't want them living at home forever.  College is the perfect transition to full blown adulthood.   Actually Gabby asked that I try not to cry too much because then she would cry, and she didn't want to look like a "bitch baby."   Well we were very proud of ourselves for not being bitch babies.   (not that there is anything wrong with that)

#4 Mom friends...    I have a strong support network of moms who are going through the exact same thing.   I am the first one to make the trek, but they were with me every step of the way offering words of encouragement and support.   I can't wait to return that favor for them in the coming weeks then go out to dinner and drinks and talk about how great our girls are doing.   It is definitely a life changing time for all of us and having a support group is so important.   I cannot thank them enough for the support.

Well I am home, and it is time to create a new normal.  It is time to start to count down the days til I get to see her again. And it's time to start assembling her very first care package.   Good luck to all you parents who still have to make this journey.   Make it yours and do what you have to do to make it ok for you!!!